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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26314120">slight of hand (jump off the end)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluerthanyou/pseuds/bluerthanyou'>bluerthanyou</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Facetime, Jealousy, Light Smut, M/M, Pet Names, Sexual Tension, Smut, alex is a bit of a crybaby, no beta so pls ignore typos, the oc isnt in it for long</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:01:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,502</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26314120</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluerthanyou/pseuds/bluerthanyou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em> But he can’t help it, because Lewis makes him feel so different, and always has, ever since he first called him pretty on social media. Ever since he first ruffled Alex’s hair and told him he was his favourite out of their group, which made Alex blush for days. It was all he thought about in bed, all those nights before Lewis would ring him, and even the sight of Lewis’s name all lit up on his phone’s screen would make his heart race.<em></em></em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>or, Alex thinks that Lewis is playing with his feelings.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lewis Buchan/Alex Elmslie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>74</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>slight of hand (jump off the end)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i hope you enjoy this! it took me about a week to write, which is impressive for me and my aggressive writer's block.</p><p>(p.s. i would die if alex or lewis read this, so please do not send this to them or let them know this exists in any way. this is not meant to be real; it's just a story, and is not what i think has happened in real life at all.)</p><p>title is from a song called codex by radiohead. i have a bad habit of naming my fics after radiohead songs, and should probably stop, but their songs make such good titles.</p><p>enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Go to sleep,” is the first thing Lewis says when Alex accepts the FaceTime call. He’s grinning at him though, shaking his head in mock disappointment so that his curls bounce over his forehead.</p><p>“Why?” Alex says, bottom lip sticking out and nose scrunching up. “You rang me, mate.”</p><p>“It’s 3 am.” Lewis bites down on his bottom lip and turns over in bed so his cheek is pressed up against the pillow. Alex finds him insufferable.</p><p>“Don’t you want to talk to me?” Alex questions, turning onto his side in bed too. They’re both staring at each other through the screen and Alex’s heart almost quickens. He hates that Lewis does this to him.</p><p>“Course I do, baby,” Lewis says, voice soft. “But it’s late.” And fuck, if Alex didn’t hate him before, he definitely hates him now. He rubs a hand over his face, heart running laps inside his chest from the pet-name. He wishes Lewis wouldn’t do this to him. Wishes he wouldn’t make him want something that isn’t going to happen.</p><p>“Why aren’t you asleep, then?” Alex says, pulling the cover up and over his chin. “You’re a hypocrite, you know, Lewis.”</p><p>“You told me you wanted to start sleeping better,” Lewis argues, a smile spreading across his cheeks. “I’m being a nice person, Al.”</p><p>“Well, stop being nice,” Alex huffs. “It’s fuckin’ annoying.”</p><p>“You’re cute when you’re annoyed at me.”</p><p>Alex feels red-hot heat burn over his cheeks, and he grits his teeth to stop himself from reacting. He hates him, he hates him, he hates him. “Shut up, Lewis.”</p><p>“Or what?”</p><p>Alex shakes his head in mock frustration, covering his mouth with the duvet so Lewis can’t see him struggling to contain his smile. “I’ll fucking…I’ll fight you.”</p><p>“Oh, and you think you’ll win?” Lewis says mockingly, raking his hand through his messy hair. “You’re five foot seven.”</p><p>Alex rolls his eyes. “And a half.”</p><p>“Makes all the difference, eh?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Alex says bashfully. “Shut up, though.” He pouts, pushing his hair out of his eyes.</p><p>He wishes that Lewis would stop playing with him, using him to test the waters of his sexuality, but then Alex can’t resist whenever Lewis teasingly flirts with him. He’s forever stuck in the hope that Lewis isn't playing a game with him and that he actually means it, but then the next day he texts him with too many exclamation marks, telling him about this lass he’s going to take on a date to that fancy restaurant in the city, and Alex’s hope just crumbles.</p><p>He hates how Lewis makes him feel, because it’s clear that Lewis thinks it’s all a joke. They play it up for social media, when Lewis calls him ‘pretty’ or a ‘cutie’ on live stream and Alex just fights a blush in return. The fans think they’re cute, they wish it was all real. And if he’s honest, Alex wishes it was too.</p><p>And Lewis is handsome. He’s tall, broad, curly-haired, Scottish, charming. Alex isn’t used to good-looking men being nice to him. He’s become accustomed to being used for a quick fling and then being abandoned when they realise he'd caught feelings. </p><p>“Only if you go to sleep,” Lewis says softly, voice deep through the speaker and bringing him back to reality.</p><p>Alex blinks slowly at him. It’s almost like Lewis actually cares about him, and he’s momentarily oblivious. “Okay,” he says softly. </p><p>“Good boy,” Lewis says, a twinkle in his eye. Alex’s heart gallops at the praise. Lewis is too much of a flirt for his own good. He just can’t help himself and just says whatever comes into his mind. Alex hates it, but not really.</p><p>“Think you mean goodnight,” Alex whispers, before ending the call and being plummeted into a cold silence. He turns in bed and flops onto his back, phone discarded beside him. He reminds himself with a mental slap on the wrist that Lewis is just playing him. He’s just trying to get a reaction out of him. </p><p>And before Alex knows it, he’s asleep.</p><p>*</p><p>Lewis travels down to London from Scotland a few weeks later, for a ‘holiday’ as he calls it. London is hardly a holiday, but Alex isn’t gonna skip out on an opportunity to be with him. He practically hates Lewis for it, because this means that the two of them are going to be in close proximity for too long, especially with Lewis’s persistent flirting and the fact that Alex is finding it harder to cover up the pink blush that coats his cheeks whenever Lewis says a single word to him.</p><p>“You’re smaller than last time,” is the first thing Lewis says when Alex opens the door of their apartment. “Did you shrink?”</p><p>Alex rolls his eyes. “Hello to you too,” he says, opening the door so that Lewis can duck underneath, curls falling over his forehead. He looks good. “And no, I didn’t shrink. You just never stop getting taller.”</p><p>Then Lewis bends down a little to hug him, the type of hug that Alex craves. He wraps his arms around Lewis’s neck, and they’re almost teetering on an invisible line where Alex thinks he might accidentally lean up and kiss him. “I did miss you a little bit,” Lewis murmurs into his neck.</p><p>Alex goes pink in the face. “Well. I didn’t miss you,” he manages after a few seconds. “Not looking forward to you annoying me for two weeks.” </p><p>“You say it like I don’t annoy you over FaceTime too,” Lewis says, and then he’s ruffling his hair. “It’s okay, I know you missed me.” Then he’s grinning at him and heading into the apartment where George loudly greets him from the television. </p><p>He’s intolerable, Alex thinks. But he’s not wrong, because Alex’s heart clenches a little when he thinks of him. </p><p>*</p><p>In the time he stays with them, Lewis goes out most nights, curls perfectly arranged on his forehead and ironed trousers elongating his already too long legs. He goes on a lot of dates, and Alex feels something nasty burn in his gut whenever Lewis shows the two of them pictures of whoever he’s taking to dinner that night. Alex will just nod, mumbling something about her being pretty. George’ll be more enthusiastic, asking interested questions about where he’s taking her, while Alex skulks off to put something on the television, tears threatening to fog his vision. He’s stupid, because Lewis can get whoever he wants easily. He can easily flirt with Alex like he actually likes him, and the next minute he’s taking a pretty woman out to a fancy restaurant in the city.</p><p>And it hurts because even though Alex is aware of it, he still blushes red whenever Lewis calls him baby or compliments his outfit. It’s just stupid, and Alex can’t change it.</p><p>“I’m going out,” Lewis says tonight, dressed up in a half-unbuttoned black shirt and some grey trousers that look too good on him for it to be real. Alex finds himself staring him up and down, mouth dry.</p><p>George and Alex look up at him from their game of Fifa. “Where to?” George asks curiously, wiggling his eyebrows. “Another hot date?”</p><p>Lewis laughs at this. “Second date with Lucy,” he says. “I think I like her.”</p><p>Alex bites his bottom lip, sinking into the sofa cushions. He’s an idiot for even getting his hopes up, again.</p><p>“Damn,” George laughs. “You’re on fire, Lewis.”</p><p>And when Lewis finally leaves, George turns to Alex with a grin. “He gets too many women for it to be a coincidence,” he laughs. “I want to know his secret.”</p><p>Alex just nods, turning back to the game. “Can we just play?” He asks, eyeing his player onscreen with a pleading look. He doesn’t want to think about Lewis anymore, especially when he knows that he doesn’t think about him in return. </p><p>George gives him a look, clearly puzzled. But he nods, brushing it away. “Sure.”</p><p> </p><p>Later that night when Alex is underneath his covers, scrolling through social media, he hears Lewis come through the front door, hears the jingle of keys as he puts them on the worktop. He hears the tap turn on, and the sound of a glass being filled with water. He hears the empty glass as it’s placed next to the sink, and the mumble of chatter as George, who’s still up, says something to him that’s hard to hear. Then he hears his name, and Lewis’s laugh as he leaves the kitchen. </p><p>Minutes later, there’s a soft knock on his bedroom door. Alex jolts up in bed, heart beating too fast for his own liking. </p><p>“Alex?” says a soft voice. “Are you awake?”</p><p>“I’m awake,” Alex says, bed covers pooling around his waist as the door creaks open, light from the landing filtering over Lewis’s face. He’s drunk, hair messier than when he left, and his shirt is half-hanging open, revealing smooth skin. </p><p>The room’s still dimly lit when Alex feels the bed dip, and a bigger body than his own on the other side of his bed. </p><p>“What are you doing?” Alex whispers, almost angry at him. “Are you drunk?” </p><p>“A bit,” Lewis says. “A couple beers.” And he’s not lying, for Alex can smell lager on his breath as he shuffles over next to him, on top of the covers. </p><p>“How was your date?” Alex questions, looking down to his hands so he can’t see Lewis’s face in the dark of his bedroom. He hates how Lewis makes him feel.</p><p>Lewis laughs. “It was pretty good, yeah. Got a kiss, so it was worth it, y’know?” </p><p>“Nice,” Alex manages, eyes glassing over with tears as Lewis gets comfortable next to him. He's wearing a chain around his neck and another on his belt, and both of them glint as he moves around. “I’m happy for you.”</p><p>“Thank you, Al,” Lewis breathes, and he’s too close for comfort. Alex can smell his aftershave mixed with the flowery scent of somebody else’s. And beer.</p><p>“Why…why are you in my bed?” Alex says, closing his eyes.</p><p>Lewis laughs again. “Well it sounds weird when you say it like that, darling.” He turns to Alex, so he’s trapped.</p><p>Alex’s heart thuds at the pet-name, but he grits his teeth, because obviously Lewis says it to everybody. “Lewis.” He hates that Lewis can make him weak with a single nickname. </p><p>“Don’t you wanna sleep with me?” Lewis says, and he’s joking, a grin on his face in the dark. And it hurts Alex so much more, because he knows that Lewis doesn’t even consider him. He’s just there for comedic effect. “Wouldn’t we be so cute together, Alex?” </p><p>“Lewis,” Alex whispers, eyes watering. He feels pathetic. He’s been played. “Can you just…I want to go to sleep.”</p><p>Then Lewis stops, sitting up in bed. “Oh…Alex. I didn’t mean,” he says, eyebrows slanting downwards. And Alex fucking despises the fact that he feels bad for him. “I was only joking, Alex. I’m sorry.”</p><p>Alex nods, taking off the rings adorned on his fingers. “I- I know you were,” he manages. The clink of his rings on the bedside table causes Lewis to look at him. “But please can you..please let me sleep.”</p><p>And then Lewis nods, before he’s getting out of Alex’s bed and leaving his room quicker than he arrived. Alex’s room is suddenly so big, and the fact that the bed is now empty is what makes Alex want to cry.</p><p>*</p><p>The next morning when Alex blearily makes his way from his bedroom to the kitchen, both Lewis and George seem startled when he slides into a seat at the kitchen table, pouring himself a cup of tea. He wonders what Lewis has been saying, wonders if he’s been telling George what a stupid twat Alex is for being a coward. </p><p>Alex isn’t even sat down for a minute before George looks at them both and then says, “I’m off for a shower.” Nodding at the other two, he takes this as his cue to leave. George hops down from the kitchen counter and saunters towards the stairs, giving Lewis a pointed look before he disappears upstairs. </p><p>“Alex, can we talk about last night?” Lewis asks, clearly finding this difficult. He shuffles his feet and tries to look him in the eye. “I want to apologise again…if I overstepped a line.” It hurts Alex to think that he’s caused Lewis any worry, and Alex despises himself for allowing the guilt to settle in his stomach. </p><p>Alex blinks up at him. “You didn’t,” he says simply. “I was just tired, mate. I haven’t been sleeping.” He’s lying, but it doesn’t matter, because he values their friendship. And if Lewis doesn’t care about him enough then it’s his call to distance himself.</p><p>Lewis sort of looks relieved at this, but then his eyes fill with concern again. “You haven’t been sleeping?”</p><p>Alex nods like it’s nothing. “Yeah. It’s fine though. I’m fine, Lewis.” And it is, because it doesn’t matter if Lewis was only joking. It doesn’t matter if he was just playing with his feelings, because Alex is okay. He can deal with it, like he always has.</p><p>“Well, can I hug you?” Lewis asks, and when the latter nods, the taller man wraps his arms around Alex’s slim frame, resting his chin on his shoulder. It almost hurts Alex’s heart when he thinks of the fact that Lewis worries about him, and actually cares if he’s okay. But then again, it’s just a shame that Lewis played with his feelings. </p><p>“You’re small,” Lewis laughs into Alex’s neck. “Reckon I could launch you across Canary Wharf and into the Thames without breaking a sweat.”</p><p>Then Alex is laughing too, pushing him away. “You’re annoying.” Alex guesses that they’re okay. The relief that brushes over Lewis’s face is endearing, to say the least. </p><p>*</p><p>“You here by yourself?”</p><p>Alex finishes his beer, turns to the voice. “Yeah. What about it?”</p><p>The man’s sporting a trimmed beard and round glasses. He’s got a friendly face, but that doesn’t stop Alex from hating him. “Wow, woke up on the wrong side of the bed today?” </p><p>Alex shakes his head, eyes the man’s visage. “Mind your own business, Hogwarts,” he bites back. Maybe the alcohol is hitting him after all.</p><p>The man laughs, moves a seat closer to him so that they’re next to each other at the bar. “You’re kinda feisty, eh?” He calls over the barman, orders two beers, and slides one of them over to Alex.</p><p>“Thanks,” Alex grunts, trying his best to ignore the man.</p><p>“So,” The man continues, clearly not catching onto any of Alex’s blatant signs. “Someone must’ve broken your heart for you to be here on your own.” He sips from his own beer, wipes the froth from around his mouth and looks towards Alex expectantly.</p><p>“Shut up,” Alex retorts, wishing that this man would leave him alone, or just be quiet.</p><p>“Hey, c’mon,” the man says, gesturing at his outfit. He’s in jeans and an orange tee that he wore yesterday. “You’re good-looking. I don’t think someone who looks like you could even besingle.”</p><p>It’s funny, because it sounds like something Lewis would say to him. He goes red at the comment. “Shut up,” he says again, but this time he’s blushing and trying to hold back a smile. </p><p>“What’s the name of the person that broke your heart, then?”</p><p> </p><p>And not even ten minutes later Alex finds himself pressed up against a wall outside the building, hands pressed up above his head, and the man sucking wine-coloured hickeys to the soft skin below his jaw. Alex’s breath clouds out of his mouth as he exhales, and the shallow whines that follow echo in the cold, empty street outside the nightclub. He’s desperate for anything, and he’ll take it, but Caleb’s hands aren’t big enough, his words don’t make him whine, he’s not tall in the way that Alex fantasises about being overpowered by him. </p><p>“Fuck,” the man says in-between hickeys. “You’re so pretty.” Alex’s neck burns as fire burns under the surface of his skin. “You never told me your name. I’m Caleb,” he breathes.</p><p>“Alex,” he replies, lips craving something, anything.</p><p>“You wanna take this somewhere else?” Caleb asks, hand strong and grounding against his lower back. Alex can feel his breath warm and giddy on his neck, the breeze dragging its teeth on the recent hickeys around his jaw and collarbone. He’s drunk and stupid, but he doesn’t care. A single one night stand doesn’t corrupt his image. </p><p>In response, Alex is nodding. “M’ roommates are out somewhere,” he says. “It’s not a long walk.” He jingles keys in his pocket, and Caleb’s nodding too.</p><p>The lift to Alex’s apartment is cool and quiet. Caleb pushes him to the wall of the lift, kisses him deeply. His hands grope at his waist, slide down, teetering on the curve of his ass. He whines, long and high. Caleb grins at his handiwork, thumbs at Alex’s neck.</p><p>The lift stops with a jerk. “It’s here,” Alex breathes.</p><p>The door’s unlocked, and then they stumble into the apartment, arms and hands around necks. Alex reminds himself of his intoxication, briefly considers that this is a bad idea, but then Caleb’s on him again, mouth insistent against his own, all teeth and tongue and sharp edges. </p><p>They find his room in the low light, pressed up against the door the second it shuts. </p><p>“Fuck, please,” Alex says, voice embarrassingly high. His heart races in anticipation underneath his shirt. He catches a sight of himself in the mirror, and he looks a mess with his hair mussed over his forehead and shirt half hanging from his shoulder, exposing his sharp collarbones, littered with marks. </p><p>He lets Caleb press him into the bed, lets him methodically stretch him out, fingers curved but not enough. Lets him leave hickeys down his chest and all over his thighs. He's whining too loud, and he can hear the faint sound of talking in the kitchen, but he wants it too badly to even care. In a moment of foolishness, he even hopes that Lewis is listening. </p><p>Caleb fucks him hard and rough, grips his hair and pulls his head back to look up at him. Alex’s bottom lip quivers with want, words on the tip of his tongue. He wants anything. “You’re so fuckin’…” Caleb breathes, mouth unrelenting against his own. “So pretty.”</p><p>And Alex has always preferred <em> pretty  </em> to  <em> handsome,  </em> has always wanted to be  <em> beautiful  </em> rather than  <em> good-looking </em>. But it just sounds too fake, too contrived when Caleb says it. Because it’s heat of the moment stuff, and Caleb only wants a one night stand. </p><p>He’s close after no time at all, moaning high and loud and his breaths coming out jagged and deep as he grips Caleb’s neck. “I’m close, please,” he manages through whimpers. “Please, I need it.”</p><p>“Yeah?” Caleb says. “Beg for it then.” And at the pinnacle of his orgasm, Alex begs for it, mouth trembling as he says anything that fits, words jumbling together in a drunken haze. And when he comes, he doesn't think of the man fucking him. His mind wanders to Lewis, and Lewis’s hands cupping his jaw instead. Thinks of Lewis calling him pretty as Alex is on his knees, bruising them on the wooden floor. Thinks of marks left by Lewis instead of Caleb. </p><p>And that’s what brings him over the edge.</p><p>*</p><p>Caleb’s gone in the morning, but Alex rolls onto a piece of paper when he wakes up, crunching under his hip.</p><p>
  <em> I understand most one night stands never amount to anything, but maybe we should get drinks sometime. I like you.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Caleb.  </em>
</p><p>And then he’s left his number underneath, scribbled hastily in a half-empty biro. Alex grins, rolls over to place the scrawled note on his bedside table. He taps Caleb’s number into his phone, but doesn't send a message yet. He’s desperate, but not that desperate.</p><p>When he walks (limps) into the kitchen, both George and Lewis, who are already sitting there eating breakfast, give him a wide-eyed look as he approaches them. George looks as he normally does in the morning, dead behind the eyes, and a hoodie over his bed-mussed hair. But Lewis, who normally prides himself on being a morning person, looks very uncomfortable.</p><p>“Morning,” Alex grins cheerfully, pulling a carton of milk out of the fridge to make himself a coffee.</p><p>“Don’t act like we didn’t hear all that last night,” George rolls his eyes from under his hoodie, but he’s laughing. “Fuckin’ hell, Al.”</p><p>“Was I loud?” Alex asks, pouring water into the mug. </p><p>Lewis rolls his eyes, but says nothing, directing a pointed look towards Alex that fills him with some kind of guilt he knows he shouldn't be feeling. </p><p>“Oh yeah,” George says. “Big time.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Alex laughs. “I was caught in the moment.”</p><p>Then Lewis gets up from his seat. “I’m going to get changed,” he mutters, giving Alex a final lingering look that’s probably supposed to mean something, before disappearing upstairs.</p><p>George shakes his head once Lewis has gone. “He’s being weird,” he says. “Probably because you kept him up last night.”</p><p>Alex just shrugs, pours milk into his tea like it’s nothing.</p><p>“Sort it out though, yeah?” George says. “I don’t want any petty arguments in my apartment.”</p><p>“It’s my apartment too, twat,” Alex argues, slapping him on the wrist. He loves George to the moon and back, for whatever reason. Probably because George picked him up out of a depression hole a few years back, offered him a bed, and Alex has never known how to repay him.</p><p>*</p><p>He organises a date with Caleb a week or so later. They’re booked to eat at a fancy restaurant in the city, one that Alex hasn’t been to before. He likes Caleb, but his brain wants more. He likes when Caleb is nice to him, but there’s an itch that doesn’t get scratched whenever he’s around. As horrible as it sounds, he’s just filling a void in Alex’s life.</p><p>There’s a knock on Alex’s door when he’s getting ready for the date. He freezes. “George?” he questions.  </p><p>There's a shuffling around outside the door. “No,” says the voice. “It’s Lewis. Can I come in?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Alex blurts out after a mind-numbing second, panic running through his veins. </p><p>The door’s pushed open softly. Lewis is tall in the doorway, clad in sweats and a black t-shirt that accentuates his broad shoulders. Alex hates the way his breath catches a little, but he blinks it away.</p><p>“Sorry, I didn’t realise you were changing.” Lewis’s eyes flicker about his body.</p><p>And Alex doesn’t either, but when Lewis says it, he flickers his eyes to the mirror and sees himself, shirtless, skinny, with faded hickeys littering his neck. “It’s okay,” he says, voice too loud in his room. </p><p>“George says you’re going on a date,” Lewis says, leaning up against the wall. “With…with the fella you brought back last week.” He almost looks pained as he says it, shoulders sagging and eyebrows slanted downwards. </p><p>“Yeah,” Alex says sharply, and he practically feels bad as he says it. He catches Lewis’s eye, but drops it. Instead, he picks up discarded clothes from the floor to busy his mind.</p><p>“What are…” Lewis tries. “What are you going to wear?”</p><p>Alex shrugs, blows air out of his mouth, gestures around. There are clothes littered all over his bedroom floor, and he realises that it must look horrific. “Fuck, I dunno.” </p><p>After a few seconds of observing the clothes around the room, Lewis is bending down, picking up a shirt that’s half hanging from the bed. “You look good in this one,” he says, cocking an eyebrow. He holds it out to Alex with extended fingers. “Shows off your collarbones.”</p><p>Alex blushes, blinks up at him and takes it from Lewis in a single movement. He feels exposed, topless in his bedroom with Lewis eyeing him, studying him. “Maybe.”</p><p>He feels the shirt between his fingers, warm and freshly washed. And after a second of deliberation, he’s pulling it over his head as Lewis watches, wearing an expression on his face that Alex can’t place. </p><p>But then suddenly Lewis is close, hands reaching out to pull at the fabric on his back. His hands touch Alex’s bare back for a millisecond, sending ripples all over his skin, but then the shirt falls over his back, and Lewis’s hand drops. </p><p>“The back of the shirt was caught…” Lewis says, seemingly short of breath. “It was caught in your necklace.” And there’s a tension, when he says it. Alex looks up at him, and Lewis is everything. He’s taller than him, hair damp and unstyled and his shirt hanging in such a way over his body that Alex’s mouth is dry.</p><p>“Lewis…” Alex finds himself saying, unsure of what he wants. </p><p>Then Lewis’s fingers dart out, and it’s quick, too quick. His fingers brush against Alex’s neck. The last prominent hickey stings under his fingertips. It’s still tender. Alex’s breath is ragged as he turns his eyes to look up at Lewis, crystalline-blue boring into hazel-brown. Lewis’s fingers are honest as they brush against his skin. </p><p>Alex holds his breath, gaze searching Lewis’s open face. It’s painful, like glass, but Alex craves it. He needs it. Lewis’s hand skims up to his jaw, and then he’s cupping it, hand too warm, spread across his neck and face. Alex’s skin flutters in response, each breath coming out high and shallow. He’s crazy, but he feels every atom of his body quiver. </p><p>“Lewis,” Alex repeats, the air too thick. His voice feels strangled in his throat. He wants to say something else, wants to tell Lewis to leave before he does something he regrets, but he also craves his presence. Wants him near. </p><p>“You look good,” Lewis says lowly, thumb grazing soft against his cheek, and Alex can’t feel anything. He might not be breathing, but he wouldn’t even know.</p><p>Alex opens his mouth to say something, but his mind is blank. </p><p>And then in a split second that Alex can’t even recount moments later, Lewis ghosts his thumb against the corner of Alex’s lip, eyes focused on the way that Alex’s bottom lip sticks out a little further than the top one. </p><p>Alex feels tingly under his gaze, under the unwavering stare as Lewis studies him. </p><p>Lewis is inches from leaning their foreheads together when he whispers. “Please don’t go on the date.”</p><p>And it takes too long, but when it registers in his brain, Alex almost recoils, almost does something. Feels his muscles tense up like he’s about to leave, storm out. He’s pushed his luck, but Alex doesn’t draw back.</p><p>“Lewis, I…”</p><p>“I know,” Lewis says, and his eyes flutter shut, like he knows he’s gone too far. “I just…”</p><p>“It’s booked and everything,” Alex says, voice strangulated. He can feel Lewis’s breath still hot against his face. “I can’t just-”</p><p>“I’m…I’m leaving tomorrow,” Lewis manages with great difficulty, hand almost sliding from Alex’s neck, but then Alex catches it before it falls, pressing Lewis’s bigger hand back against his neck. It almost makes him dizzy. “Y’know, back to Scotland. Is…is this it?”</p><p>Alex feels his eyes begin to water, feels the warmth of Lewis so close to him. He can’t. He shrugs, shoulders sinking.</p><p>“Alex?”</p><p>“I don’t want you to play with my feelings anymore,” Alex says with a shaky breath. Tears fog his vision, Lewis now just a blur.</p><p>Lewis doesn’t say anything, lets his other arm hang limp by his side. They’re silent for too long. </p><p>“Alex,” Lewis says. </p><p>Alex blinks up into Lewis eyes, vision clearing. He can’t speak, because it’s all him. It’s always been him. <em> Lewis, Lewis, Lewis </em>, and how he makes Alex feel. Something he hasn’t felt in a long time. </p><p>Alex doesn’t say anything.</p><p>“I just…” he tries to continue, but then, in a sudden burst of something powerful, Lewis leans down, kisses him insistent and hard, Alex nearly gasps against his lips as Lewis’s hand grips his jaw, other hand skirting over his hip.</p><p>Alex’s heart dances, lip quivering in his moment of want. Because it’s Lewis everywhere, always. How it's always been. So he kisses back, presses his lips hard against Lewis’s, hard and urgent and needy. Lewis kisses like it’s the end of the world, deep and desperate and hands pressing him to the wall, sharp edges and hard lines and hot breath. Alex craves it, needs something else. </p><p>And then, with a quivering breath, Lewis pulls away, exhaling like he regrets it. Alex shivers, chasing his lips, but he’s too far away. </p><p>Then he steps away from Alex, something whirring in his mind. He nods, as if he's confirming something in his brain. “It’s always been you, by the way,” he says, turning around. And then he opens the door. “Enjoy your date, Alex.”</p><p>*</p><p>Alex stands in the cold, fingers frozen. His breath clouds from his mouth. </p><p><em> I’m sorry,  </em> he types.  <em> Tonight was fun, but I can’t see this going any further. You’re a great guy, I just need this one person. I’m sorry Caleb. Thanks for everything. </em></p><p>He presses send, and then it’s like he can breathe. He practically gasps for a breath of air, before he’s stuffing his phone into his pocket. He stands outside their block of apartments, staring as it stretches to the sky. London’s dark but still bustling, and Alex can hear the chorus of car horns and noise pollution from the other side of the Thames.</p><p>George is watching TV when Alex enters the apartment, cheeks flushed from the cold and his hands frozen. He turns from the screen, muting it before craning his neck to look at Alex.</p><p>“You,” George says, points at him. He’s pissed off. “You’re a cunt.”</p><p>Alex almost gapes at him. “What?”</p><p>“You went on that date when you know very well that Lewis likes you,” George retorts. “Plus, you like him back, so why did you even go?”</p><p>Alex doesn’t know. He’d wanted to go on the date, because Caleb was good fun, but he doesn’t have<em>  feelings  </em> for Caleb. Yet again, he was just filling a hole in Alex’s life that he didn’t know how to feel, and yet again, Alex had reverted to one night stands and meaningless dates. Guilt courses through his veins.</p><p>“How…how do you know?” Alex says, breath shallow. </p><p>George scoffs. “I’m not fucking stupid. I know shag eyes when I see ‘em.”</p><p>Alex looks at the floor. He hates it when George is mad at him, because he’s a little bit scary. Plus, he could easily tell Alex to find another place to stay if he pissed him off enough, but he hasn’t because Alex has never pushed him that far. </p><p>“George-” Alex tries.</p><p>“Just sort your shit out,” George interrupts. “And do it before he leaves tomorrow.”</p><p>*</p><p>The guest room door catches on the carpet and judders to a halt, and the sound of it causes Lewis, leaning up against the window, to turn around. Alex’s heart thuds a little bit, because it’s <em> him </em>  again, and everything about  <em> him </em> . But Lewis suddenly looks so small for a man who’s six foot three, and it hurts because it’s  <em> Alex’s  </em>fault.</p><p>“Hi,” Alex says. “Can we…” He doesn’t know what he’s asking, and doesn’t know how to go about it. He just knows that if Lewis leaves tomorrow and they’re still in pieces then he doesn’t know what he’ll do.</p><p>“You been on your date?” Lewis blurts out, walks towards him from the window. He still looks somewhat hurt, but he’s tall again, too tall, practically towering over him with big arms, long legs, big hands. Alex hates him.</p><p>“Yeah,” Alex mumbles. He looks up at Lewis’ face, all concerned and sad while his curls fall messily into his eyes. God, he feels shitty. “I’m not seeing him again.”</p><p>Lewis raises an eyebrow. He walks closer, so close that Alex can see the freckles on his nose. “Good,” he says simply. He raises a ringed hand to cup the side of Alex’s face. “Pretty,” he whispers, and shivers run through Alex’s veins, before a blush washes over the apples of his cheeks and the tip of his nose. He hates the effect that Lewis has on him with a burning passion, because he loses all of his self-control and any composure that was even there in the first place.</p><p>“Lewis…” Alex breathes, heart racing as Lewis’s thumb drags across his cheek and pulls down his bottom lip. He desperately wants to press their lips together, wants Lewis’s hand holding his jaw again. </p><p>“Do you want what I want?” Lewis asks, hand pausing, his thumb pressing harder against Alex’s lips. It’s a confusing question, and Alex doesn’t know what to say, words forming on the tip of his tongue jumbling up and running over each other. </p><p>Alex can’t think, so he just leans up and pulls Lewis down the embarrassingly long distance to press their lips together, a fiery heat releasing in his stomach the second that Lewis begins to kiss back, fighting against his mouth with equal force. But then Lewis begins to take over, his body, his existence curling around Alex, encasing him in everything and nothing. </p><p>Lewis slides a hand to the curve of his hip, grips his jaw in the other hand like Alex had wanted. But Alex hardly knows what he wants now, just whines as Lewis kisses him deeper. And then Lewis is sitting down suddenly on the edge of his bed, pulling Alex down to straddle his lap. “Alex, do you…do you even want…” Lewis asks breathlessly, eyes blown wide with something that Alex finds incredibly alluring.</p><p>“Yes,” Alex blurts out, ghosting his lips against the latter’s. “Please, Lew…”</p><p>“Tell me what you want, darlin',” Lewis says, leaves a kiss just below his jaw, causing Alex to squirm.</p><p>Alex can’t think, just lets out a breathy whine into Lewis’s hair. “Just want…” he tries. “Please just touch me.” He feels embarrassed as he says it, cheeks redder than they were before, and this time he can practically feel the heat rising in his face.</p><p>Alex has to cover his mouth to stop himself from moaning when Lewis wraps a hand around him, gets him off slowly, painfully. His hand is too big, and Alex feels dizzy at how easily Lewis could do anything to him if he wanted. Could really make him take it. </p><p>“Fuck,” Alex cries, bottom lip trembling as he falls back against the bed. “You’re good at this.”</p><p>Lewis raises an eyebrow, arrogance evident on his features. “Yeah, yeah.” He’s attractive like this, as he looks up at Alex through his eyelashes, corner of his mouth quirked up in a sly smile. </p><p>Soon, Alex is practically writhing on the bed at the pace in which Lewis gets him off. “Lew, please, faster,” he begs, head falling back against the bed. Humiliation floods his veins as he feels himself nearing his orgasm already. “Fuck, please.”</p><p>And it barely only takes a few minutes before Alex reaches his orgasm, whining through the pleasure as he flops against the bed in defeat, all his energy completely gone. Bottom lip still quivering, and his chest rising and falling, Lewis cleans his stomach and chest with a delicate care that almost makes Alex cry. God, he’s going to miss him. </p><p>“Are you okay?” Lewis asks, hovering over him. There’s a strong worry in his eyes.</p><p>“You leave tomorrow,” Alex says hoarsely, sitting up from where he was laying on the bed. In response, Lewis looks down in defeat, places the washcloth against the covers. </p><p>“Yeah,” Lewis manages, and Alex wishes he could read his face, wishes he could see what Lewis was thinking. </p><p>“I…” Alex begins, but he yet again doesn’t know what to say. He wants the answers to be in Lewis’s eyes, wants Lewis to give him the solution. “I don’t want you to go,” He says, voice choked and wobbling, too much pressure in his throat.</p><p>“Alex-” Lewis tries earnestly.</p><p>“I don’t want you to go,” Alex repeats, eyes watering and, God, he’s such a crybaby. “I want you to stay.” He feels for Lewis’s hand, takes it in his own. </p><p>Lewis looks down at their joined hands before looking back up into Alex’s eyes. “I’ll come back down again, you know that right, angel?” he says, rubbing his thumb against the back of Alex’s hand. Alex hates the nickname because it’s so endearing and makes him almost start crying. “I always come back.”</p><p>Alex doesn’t say anything, just sniffles a little. He swings his legs over the edge of the bed and watches how the tip of his big toe doesn’t even reach the floor. </p><p>“Hey,” Lewis says, pulling Alex’s chin up to look at him in the eye. His eyes are hazel-brown, honest and true. “Please don’t be sad.”</p><p>But he can’t help it, because Lewis makes him feel so different, and always has, ever since he first called him <em> pretty  </em>on social media. Ever since he first ruffled Alex’s hair and told him he was his favourite out of their group, which made Alex blush for days. It was all he thought about in bed, all those nights before Lewis would ring him, and even the sight of Lewis’s name all lit up on his phone’s screen would make his heart race.</p><p>So Alex thinks he’s going to miss him.</p><p>*</p><p>“Sorry for being a dick,” Lewis says, three-in-the-morning-wind from the open door blowing his curls around his face. “Y’know, when I went on those dates. I was just…scared of how I felt…about you.”</p><p>Alex shakes his head, feels the breeze on his bare arms. “It’s okay, Lew.”</p><p>“I’ll ring you when I get on the train?” He asks, and that question alone makes Alex bite the inside of his gum to stop himself from getting emotional. Alex just nods in response, folds his arms over his body.</p><p>“Alright,” Lewis says gently, then leaning down in the open doorway to press their mouths together, too familiar on Alex’s skin, and he wants more of it, but he can’t because Lewis is leaving. He cups Alex’s face in one hand before he’s pulling away, and he’s letting go. “Tell George I said goodbye for when he wakes up.”</p><p>“I will,” Alex says, and then Lewis is picking up his suitcases and wheeling them down to the edge of the pavement where a black cab is waiting for him. Alex watches as he shoves all of his possessions in the boot of the car and gets into the back seat. </p><p>And then Alex watches as the taxi drives away.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hope you enjoyed! if you did, feel free to leave kudos or a comment. they seriously make my day.<br/>:)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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